Discovering Gratitude in Grief

I believe the human heart longs for something we truly cannot find in this fractured world. In fact, God made us to live in the garden of Eden where perfection was interwoven in every aspect of creation and life. After the great fall of humanity, the world became tainted with sin, heartache, and ultimately death. Our hearts seek joy in everything we do. We all long for it actually. People are always on the pursuit of happiness whether it is with money, status, power, or even simplicity in their life. After great heartache, we can become lost in our grief not knowing how to discover joy in life again.

So, what is the secret for someone finding happiness and joy in the midst of heartache and loss?

Gratitude.

I truly believe discovering happiness after your heart has been broken is through being grateful for what you have. If we focus on all the negativity and loss in our life we will get embedded in a rut of misery. I’ve always loved the saying “there is always, always, always something to be thankful for”. I didn’t know at the time when I adopted that saying in my life years ago that my life now would endure tragedy, heartache, and uncertainty. I can tell you on this side of loss there is still in fact something to be thankful for. Gratitude is something that is sought after with many people. It is a choice in how you see the world through a different lens after loss. Gratitude can be found in the simplest of things such as your relationships with the ones you love, sunrises and sunsets, kindness of others, and in your loved one’s smile. There have been many instances in therapy where my husband and I would talk about the joy of watching our son, Hudson, play but also feeling the pain of Bennett’s absence. I know Bennett and Hudson would have been two peas in a pod and I let my mind wonder to the “what would have been” scenarios. In some moments, it was difficult to find joy in our now family of 3. We long for Bennett to be here with us enjoying life and living out new experiences. My momma heart can’t help but feel sadness when I think about all that we are missing out on after Bennett ran ahead to Heaven…taking him to pick out his back pack (he called it a pack pack) for kindergarten, watching him silly dance to music in my living room, or pray the sweetest and most thoughtful prayers that a 4-year-old could possibly pray. In those few examples, I know this life isn’t fair but on the flip side I am gently reminded of the long list of what Jesus has done for me. I see so much of Bennett in Hudson and what a blessing that is. Yes, grief and joy can coexist and be intertwined but in time the joy should outweigh the pain.

So, how does someone pursue happiness and joy through gratitude?

Seeking & identifying positivity daily.

During my time in counseling, I was encouraged by my therapist to write down a few things that I was grateful for each day. I needed to add sunshine to my day and this was the place to start. Friends, we can’t sit in sorrow for the rest of our lives. Yes, we can grieve and have hard days/moments, but there is still a beautiful life left to live. You waking up this morning confirms that God has set a purpose for you today. Depression is real and tends to suck us into a black hole of negativity but we must overcome this by growing in our grief. By identifying 1-3 things that you are thankful for each day brings out mindfulness of what beauty you have in this broken and painful world. Finding gratitude in each day can be as big or small as you want. Some of my past gratitude journal entries include being grateful for:

1.     Hudson and my family

2.     My friendships and community/support system

3.     A wonderful friend spending the night after Bennett’s funeral to get up with Hudson so I could rest

4.     Jesus

5.     Eternal life after death

I found that identifying a couple of positive things in my life helped me refocus my view on life. I began to see clearer and see beauty in the world again. The world tells us that happiness and joy is having a family with good careers, a nice house and cars with yearly vacations. Friends, happiness and joy is found in Jesus. All the things of this world are shifting and can be lost in a blink of an eye. Refocusing the lens of how we start or end our day with gratitude is a game changer. When I was looking for a gratitude journal I chose a simple one. It was okay but I felt like I could create something inspiring while incorporating my faith with it. So, I decided to make one. I created the Growing in Grief Gratitude Journal to highlight mindfulness and positivity while embracing God’s word. If you would like a copy of Growing in Grief: A Gratitude Journal, click here

My hope for you is to not only find joy, gratitude, and thankfulness today on Thanksgiving, but every day. No matter what journey you are on in this life there is always something to be thankful for. I hope you spend a few minutes in your day reflecting on what joy is in your life and thank Jesus for carrying you through the storm.

Let Him Be the Light in your darkness,

Rebecca